Woke up this morning and started thinking about something while I made breakfast. Something that’s crossed my mind many times before:
Since I’m a person who’s been challenging myself for a while now and by that got some great moments and situations to get to know myself – do you realize how important that is? I mean to know yourself. To love yourself, feel confident and feel that you have total control. Ok so this sounds silly but this is actually very important. Let me explain:
For example, in situations where I have to take care of myself (lets say during my adventures) I talk so myself ALOT – mostly in my mind, but sometimes out loud too. Like when I need to know what I should do in situations when I’m tired, I need to get food, lost on the route, change clothes and fix my camp. Food is easy to fix on a daily basis but how easy is it when you are tired, your body is screaming cause it’s so sore, you might be crying and just want to sleep? – In these situations you grow. A lot. Cause you’re alone out there and if you don’t take care of yourself things are going to get bad.
These situations might sound easy in a way but they aren’t and the mental strength is most important. The words ”I can so I will”, are true. What you tell yourself is the truth. If you think you will fix this challenge – you will. You just need to believe and realize you are strong enough. No words like ”well, I might but..”. No. You can, so you will.
So what’s really my point?
Well. I get a lot of comments about my looks. Always have. Mostly when it comes to running, but also when I was a dancer when I was younger. People looking at me from top to toe today like ”ok .. so you say you’re a runner.. right..”.
In the beginning of my ultra running and adventures this really got me. I felt pain in my stomach and felt so sad. Like I wasn’t good enough and didn’t have the looks that was needed. Who even decides that kind of stupid thing?
I loved running so much though that I blocked these peoples thoughts out of my mind and kept running. It made me feel so good. But I also felt ashamed since I didn’t look the way people thought a runner should look like. Had words like ”Keep going, shock everyone” on repeat in my head. I was hoping that one day people will look at me and say ”Oh! You’re the runner who does these adventures for autism, right? Cool” This was my goal – to prove them wrong. To make people realize that there’s no such thing as looks. It’s about passion. So I kept going. Maybe one day they’ll realize that they are stupid.
As the years went by things changed. Now 4 years later, well I still get these comments but when they recognize me there’s something else: ”Oh! You’re the runner who does these adventures for autism, right? Cool”
I reached my goal so I proved them wrong. Most of them anyway. I don’t know what I feel though. Do I really need to do these adventures to show some people that people like me can do stuff like this even if we’re not thin enough? Plus that running to me is more about mental strength than the physical.
I can assure you that I don’t do my adventures to prove them wrong anymore. But during like my first 2 years I did.
Running isn’t looks. It’s a passion.
I know you know why I run. It’s to spread awareness about autism. But I am a girl. And I run by myself. With these looks of mine. And it seems hard for people to understand sometimes that I can do this. But you know what? I can, so I will.